Teen dating violence is epidemic by Minister Delita Johnson Is it time for parents to tell their children to turn the TV off? Or are we, as parents, using TV violence as a scapegoat for the reasons why our kids have learned to become so depraved and violent? Who do we blame for teens becoming the product of what they see and hear in their own homes? Who is to blame for teen dating violence? Where does all this rage come from?

Teens are the product of their environment and they have the propensity to emulate the behavior of their parents. For example, if a teen grows up in a violent environment, he or she somehow develops the concept that others should be treated with contempt and disrespect. On the other hand, if a teen grows up in a loving and caring environment, he or she learns not only to love themselves, but to love and respect others.

The cycle of violence is powerful, and it tends to trickle-down from generation to generation. Teens who allow others to abuse them and teens who are abusive are often dealing with low self-esteem issues. The abuser wants control and the person being abused is easily controlled. These teens have often grown up in unstable homes with no good, positive role models. They don't know what a healthy, loving relationship looks like.

Some teens don't even realize they're being abused. They believe that being controlling or being controlled is a sign of love. Wake up! Being aggressive is not a sign of love.

According to a recent survey by the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence and a study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, abuse in teenage relationships, also known as "teen dating violence" is becoming increasingly common among teens (among both genders). An equal number of teenage boys and girls reported being abused by their partner.

One in three girls is likely to become involved in an abusive relationship before even graduating from high school. This is a silently growing epidemic that experts say most parents aren't aware of. Currently, 40 percent of teen girls know someone who has been hit or beaten by someone they're dating.

Dating abuse has no respect of person; it affects teens regardless of age, location or financial status. Abuse can be physical, verbal or sexual and is often used to control.

Abused teens are more likely to drink heavily, use drugs, engage in risky sexual behavior, develop eating disorders and attempt suicide.

According to the NCDSV:

• 20 percent of teens have been threatened by their partners or had partners threaten to hurt themselves if the relationship ended.
• 33 percent of teens, and 50 percent of teen girls, say they have felt pressured to have sex in a serious relationship.
• 30 percent have worried about their safety in a relationship, and 20 percent have been hit, slapped or pushed.
• 64 percent have been with a jealous or controlling partner.
• 55 percent have compromised their standards to keep their partner.
• 25 percent have been put down or called names by their partner.

Abuse will continue over time, and it usually becomes more serious, leading to death in 1,300 cases each year, according to the CDC.

Abusive teen relationships and teen dating violence have long-lasting mental and emotional effects on its victims and the people who care about them. Unfortunately, those who are abused as teenagers are likely to be in abusive relationships as adults.

If you are in an abusive teen relationship or a victim of teen dating violence, talk to a trusted adult to get help. The Teen Action Campaign suggests that if your child or friend is in an abusive teen relationship, talk to them. Be supportive and make it clear that it is not their fault they are being abused. Do not judge them or push them to do anything they are not comfortable with, and be patient.

Encourage your teen to stay out of contact with the abuser. If you know the abuser, do not attack him or her as a person, but make it clear that his or her behavior is not acceptable and encourage him or her to talk to a counselor and develop healthy behaviors. Do not hesitate to turn to good sources for help, including trusted school counselors, religious leaders, doctors, community support groups, the police or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

This subject matter may be closer to home than you think.